Lunch Date
by bibelot
Summary: Our favorite officemates find themselves at Chili's for lunch under unusual circumstances. Takes place some time during the second season.
1. Act One

Author's note: This is sort of a sequel to Bake Sale, taking place the week after, but even if you haven't read it, this should still make sense.

----------

Jim enters the office carrying a brown shopping bag. Pam and Roy are kissing at reception. Jim gives a quick glance to the camera while trying to walk past them as quickly as possible.

"Oh, hold on, Jim! Stop it, Roy! There are some messages for you." Pam reaches over to retrieve them, but Roy continues to give her a few light kisses. "Roy!" she says playfully, "Cut it out!" He continues. She keeps laughing. "Roy, do you want us to get fired?" He continues. "Just hold on there a second, Jim. Roy!" He continues, and she keeps giggling. Both of them are clearly enjoying it.

"I'll just, uh..." Jim watches on uncomfortably for a few moments before he goes to sit down.

(---

"Pam's birthday was last week, and ever since, she and Roy have been getting along pretty well." Pause. "That's just my guess, of course."

---)

Finally Roy stops. "All right, Pammy, I've gotta go. But I'll see you for lunch?"

"Okay, it's a date." They both smile, and Roy goes down to the warehouse. "Oh, Jim, where'd you go? I've got your messages right here."

He quickly gets up and retrieves them, mumbles "Thanks," and then goes back to his seat.

Michael walks in. He's a little tanner than usual. "Hey, Pamlet! Get thee to a nunnery!" Pam just stares at him for a second. "Oh ho, the lady doth protest too much, methinks! Shakespeare. Uh, any messages?"

"Uh, yeah." She hands them to him, and he looks them over.

"Ooh, did this call come in this morning?" He indicates one of the messages.

"Um, does it say it did?"

"Uh, yes it does."

"Then I guess it did."

"Excellent." He heads toward his office.

"Oh, and remember that for lunch you--"

"Yes, yes, Pam, I know. Gah! Do you think I have to be reminded about everything?"

Pause. "Well, it is my job." Pause. "And yesterday you forgot about that meeting with our sup--"

"Yes, well, that was different. Plus, I had a personal emergency, so--"

"I don't think there's such a thing as a tanning emer--"

"Look, just... forget it." He goes into his office.

----------

(---

"So awhile ago, I signed up for an online dating service, and today I have my first blind date. They call it a 'lunch date for busy professionals.' It's for people like me who don't have the time or money to go out for dinner. You know me, busy, busy, busy. Of course, if all goes well, maybe things will get busy, if you know what I mean. Uh, but not on the first date. That's...crude. A good first impression is key. You know what they say, you can't judge a book by its cover? Well, I can. And besides, if you don't look at the cover, how would you know if it's any good?"

---)

Michael is sitting at his desk, and Dwight is standing behind him. "So Dwight, I haven't talked to this woman yet, so I just want you to listen in, you know, give me your overall impression."

"Gotcha. Question: do you want me to check out her medical records?"

"Wha...? No... not yet, just... listen, okay?" He turns on the speakerphone and dials a number. It rings a couple times, and then a woman answers.

"Hello, this is Karen Roberts, United Community Centers."

"Hi, Karen, this is the lovely Michael Scott, returning your call."

"Oh, hi Michael! How are you?"

"Why, the pleasure is all mine. And how are you?"

"Oh, okay, I'm good. Uh, I was just calling to confirm our lunch date for this afternoon."

"Yes, yes, of course. Um, if you don't mind, maybe you could come down to where I work and we'll figure it out from there. Do you know where it is? 1725 Slough?"

"1725 Slough? Uh, yeah, I think I'll be able to find it."

"Are you sure? Sometimes people drive by it because they're going too fast, so when you get close, be sure to Slough down."

Pause. "Okay then. So I'll come by around eleven-thirty?"

"Sounds great." Dwight taps him on the shoulder and starts waving a pen in front of a pad of paper. "Hey, while I've got you on the phone, maybe a short questionnaire?"

"Oh, okay. Um, what do you want to know?"

Dwight scribbles something onto the pad of paper, and Michael reads it. "Uh, where did you go to school?"

"Uh, I went to Bishop O'hara." Michael frowns. "And then I graduated from Swarthmore."

Dwight scribbles another sentence, and Michael reads it. "What about your family?"

"Um, I'm an only child, but my parents still live in the city."

Dwight appears frustrated and writes something else. "No, I mean where did they go to school? What? Never mind. Uh..." Dwight writes another sentence. "Do you know the Heimlich maneuver?"

"Um...actually, yes. I, uh, also have CPR certification. Wow, you really are cautious, aren't you."

"Well, you never can be too careful. Hey, here's something I learned the other day. You know what CPR stands for?"

"Cardiopulmonary resuscitation?"

"No, Coffee Provides Resuscitation!" He laughs. Pause. "Get it? Because of the caffeine?"

Pause. "Um, yeah...I get it."

"Good, good." Dwight scribbles something else. "Uh, just one more question..." Michael reads it. "Have you had any plastic surgery? What? No, I am not asking...that...but...uh, have you?"

"Um...no. Are you feeling all right?"

"Uh, yes, I'm fine. Um, do you have any questions for me?"

"Um, let me think... So you work at, wait, let me see, Dunder-Mifflin, is that right?"

"Yup, for over thirteen years."

"That name sounds familiar. What do you do again?"

Michael looks offended. "Paper."

"Paper? You sell paper?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, you know what? Ha, what a coincidence! I think we buy our paper from you! Isn't that something!"

"Really? Well, that's just...great!" Dwight scribbles something else, and Michael reads it. "If you ever need more paper, just call 555-0177 and ask for Dwight Schr... What? Sorry, I mean--"

"Dwight? Who's Dwight?"

"Nobody, he's just, never mind. I have to go, bye." He abruptly hangs up.

"That went well," says Dwight. Michael glares at him.

----------

At the front of the office, there are two big cardboard boxes labeled "Food" and "Clothing". Creed picks up the food box and brings it over to Jim's desk. Jim takes a couple of cans of soup and some packages of pasta from a paper bag and puts them in. He also gets up and puts an old red sweater into the clothing box. As Creed carries the food box away, he pulls out the cans of soup, inspects them, nods, and puts them back.

(---

"I'm running a food and clothing drive this week for a homeless shelter in downtown Scranton. So you guys, too, if you'd like to donate some soup, preferably split pea or cream of mushroom, or some clothing, preferably men's large, thirty-four inch waist, just put it in the boxes outside, and I'll drop it off after work."

---)

Kevin walks by and mischievously drops something into the clothing box.

(---

"I'm donating my Speedo to charity. Stacy won't let me wear it anymore." Pause. "And the neighbors were complaining."

---)

Angela watches disdainfully as Kelly drops some items into the clothing box.

(---

"Of course, I support charitable giving. It's an important aspect of living a fulfulling life, as well as a necessary step towards fostering a healthy community. I just don't know if Kelly realizes that we're giving to a homeless shelter and not a whorehouse."

---)

Michael peers through the blinds of his office as Creed continues around the room with the box of food. Phyllis gives him some cereal and a bag of rice. Meredith drops in some canned fruit and a bottle of rum. The box is starting to get a little heavy, so Ryan volunteers to help Creed out. Kelly is following behind Ryan, trying to help him out, while he is trying to keep her from helping him. A few other people are standing about. Michael comes out of his office.

"Hey, Ryan, whatcha doing?"

"Oh, just helping Creed. Food drive," he says, as he tilts the box towards Michael. "You bring anything to donate?"

"Yes, of course! Uh, do homeless people eat turkey on rye?"

While Creed nods, Ryan says, "Um, I think it has to be nonperishable, you know, like soup or pasta or something. But if you didn't bring anything, I think you can also bring something tomorrow."

Creed adds, "Yeah, I'll be doing this all week."

"All week, eh? How much are they paying you?" Pause.

Oscar says, "It's volunteer, Michael."

"Oh, of course! Gah, I know!" Pause. "It's just funny that Creed is spending his time at work volunteering instead of doing... whatever it is that we pay him to do."

"It's for charity," says Phyllis.

"And does that make it okay?"

"Um, yes."

"Well, you know what?" Michael starts to get belligerent. "What if instead of telling jokes and boosting morale, I was organizing a boring charity drive. Huh? What would you guys think then?" The officemates exchange looks, but no one says anything. "All right, fine. As regional manager of this office, I hereby take over this charity drive."

Oscar says, "Michael, you can't just--"

"Okay," Creed interrupts. He hands Michael a slip of paper. "You just need to drop the boxes off to this address after work." Creed goes back to his desk and stares into space.

"Uh, all right. Now that that's taken care of, back to work!" Michael goes back into his office. Everyone else continues as before.

----------

Dwight is standing in Michael's office displaying a binder containing several colorful charts. "And in this graph, you can see how my opinion of her wavered throughout the conversation. And this graph..." He turns the page. "...shows the likelihood that your date will provide healthy offspring. Now, this next graph..."

Michael has his elbows on his desk and the heels of his palms over his eyes. "Gaaaahhhhh! Enough with the charts, Dwight!" Dwight is taken slightly aback, and he closes the binder and sits down. "I just want to know if you think she sounded hot."

"Uh, well I--"

"You know what, never mind. She obviously didn't have a good sense of humor, so she can't be hot. I knew this blind date thing was a mistake. Gah, I'll just cancel. Wait, what time is it?"

"Eleven twenty."

"Still time. I'll just call up her office, and... wait, no!"

"What?"

"Think, Dwight! She said she buys paper from us. If I cancel now, we might lose a client!"

"Maybe she won't mind."

"Pssh, yeah. Like any woman wouldn't go ballistic after I tell them, 'Oh, uh, I'm sorry Karen. Something urgent just came up and I can't make it. Maybe we'll try it again sometime.' Please, Dwight, think!"

(---

"I have an acute understanding of the female psychiatry. For example, if a woman says hello, she doesn't necessarily want you to ask her out. Or, if a woman tells you to stop calling her, that doesn't necessarily mean that she wants you to forget that she's your boss."

---)

Outside, Jim and Pam are looking over the contents of the clothing drive box. It's filled with an eclectic assortment of items, obviously just the collective bottom of the drawer of all the officemates. "Oh, check this out." Jim pulls out a madras blazer from the bin. He tries it on. It's a little too small.

"Very chic," says Pam. "Ooh," she says pulling out a feathery pink boa and wrapping it around her neck. "I'll be the poshest homeless girl in the neighborhood with this."

Jim laughs. They continue digging through the box when the door opens and Jan walks in, talking on her cell phone. As she walks up to reception, Jim goes back to his desk. "Hi, is Michael ready?" Jan asks Pam.

"Um, let me check." She buzzes him.

"Yes?"

"Michael, Jan's here."

"What?" He looks past Dwight through the blinds to see Jan standing at reception, looking at him. He quickly gets up and walks out to greet her.

"My dear Jan Levinson! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Pause. "Michael, are you kidding me?" Pause. "We have a lunch meeting with Christian to discuss the new budget issues for the county, remember?"

"Uh...no..."

"We were going to have it in the morning, but then you rescheduled it for Chili's last week?"

"Uh, are you sure, Jan? Uh, Pam, do you know anything about a meeting today?"

"Um, yeah--"

"Well then why didn't you tell me about it? Isn't that your job?" He gives Jan a look as if to say, "Can you believe this?"

"Um, I did." Pause. "Remember, I was telling you about it this morning, and you said that you knew all about it and that you didn't need me to do my job and remind you."

He looks at her for a moment, and then he turns to Jan, who is staring at him, and says, "Yes...I...of course! I was just testing you, Pam! Ha ha, you passed! Ha ha! Good work! All right, I... will... be right back." He rushes back into his office, closes the door, and shuts the blinds. From outside his office, Michael and Dwight can be heard talking frantically. Jan looks annoyed.

A couple minutes pass and Michael has yet to emerge. Jan looks at her watch. Pam tries to make small talk. "So, did you just drive down from New York?"

Jan nods. "Yup."

Several beats pass. A moment later, Kelly walks up. "Oh my god, Pam, you look so cute in that thing!" She reaches over and feels the end of the boa. "If I had known you liked it, I would have given it to you! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Um--"

"What else is in here..." Kelly begins digging through the clothing box. "Oh my god, Pam, you're getting rid of this?" She pulls out a frilly blouse. "This is so cute! Don't you think so, Jan?"

Jan is surprised that she's being addressed. "Um, I don't really--"

"Isn't this just perfect for a hot date? Like the next time you want to go out with Michael, you could just--"

"Now, wait a second--"

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She turns to Pam. "I'm embarrassing her!" She turns back to Jan. "Am I embarrassing you?"

Jan hesitates for a moment. Then she quickly turns to Pam. "Uh, just tell Michael that I'll meet him there, okay? Okay." She rushes out. Kelly puts the blouse back, gives Pam a smile, and then heads back to her desk.

Michael is panicking in his office, pacing back and forth. "All right, there has to be a reasonable solution."

"You could take Karen to your meeting at Chili's."

"No, Dwight, why don't you think? Then Jan would be offended." He sighs loudly. "You know what, I'll just have to reschedule with Karen. What time is it?"

"Eleven twenty-five."

"Still time. Yes. Now where did I put her phone number?" He's searching through the papers on his desk when his phone beeps. He answers it. "Yes?"

"Michael, there's a Karen Roberts here to see you."

"Ohohokay. I'll be right out. Dwight, what am I going to do?"

"I can still hear you Michael," says Pam.

"Oh! Sorry." He hangs up, and then runs his hands through his hair for a moment. Then suddenly he slaps his hands against the desk. "You know what? I've got it. This is perfect!"

Outside, there's an attractive woman in her thirties waiting at the reception desk. Pam says to her, "I'm sure he'll be out in a minute." Kevin, who's standing in front of one of the cameras, indicates the woman and then wipes at his forehead.

The door to Michael's office slowly opens and Dwight steps out. He walks up to Karen and extends his hand. "Hi, I'm Michael?" he says. Jim and Pam exchange glances. Angela peers up from her desk.

She shakes his hand. "Karen. Nice to meet you. You know, you sound different over the phone."

"Yes, well, uh, I have a cold."

"I see. Well, where do you want to go?"

"Um, I hadn't really thought about it..."

"Uh, I'm always a fan of Chili's," she suggests.

Without thinking, Dwight says, "Sounds good. Let's go."

As they're leaving, Michael peeks through the blinds. When he gets a look at Karen, he smacks himself in the forehead. He tries to rush out of his office but trips over a chair. By the time he gets out, they've already gone down the elevator.

He recomposes himself. "Uh, Pam? I'll be back after my meeting with Jan."

"Okay."

As Michael heads out of the office, Jim approaches Pam's desk. "Wow, this is going to be a disaster," he says.

She giggles. "If only there were some way we could go see it..."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I suddenly have a hankering for an Awesome Blossom."

"Really? I was just thinking the same thing." She giggles and starts gathering her stuff. "Wait! We can't let them see us! And, uh, I'm banned from Chili's, remember?"

"You're right." Pause. "We'll need disguises. But where can we find some?" He fidgets with the lapel of the madras blazer, while she twirls the end of the boa.

Finally, she cracks. "All right. Wait, but what if someone sees us taking them out of the office?"

"Don't worry. We'll bring them back right after lunch. The only person who might get upset is..." He turns as Creed walks by reception and out the door wearing an old red sweater. He turns back to Pam.

"You drive."


	2. Act Two

Michael rushes into Chili's to find Jan and Christian waiting to be seated. He briefly looks around to see if Dwight and Karen have arrived yet, but they haven't.

"Michael, you remember Christian."

"Of course." They shake hands. "Sorry I'm late, I, uh, was having some women's troubles." He nudges and winks at Christian, who looks uncomfortable. Michael then looks into the parking lot and sees Dwight and Karen getting out of the car. "Uh, is our table ready yet? Slow service, huh?"

"Well, we just got here," says Christian. "But it's fine, I can wait."

Michael peers outside again to see Dwight and Karen approaching and starts fidgeting. "Uh, Michael? Is there something wrong?" Jan asks.

"What? Oh, no, nothing's wrong. I'm just anxious to get seated, that's all. Oh look, there's a table opening up. Why don't we go wait in front of it so they don't give it to someone else?"

"Uh..." Christian looks around to see that there's no one else waiting for a table, while Michael grabs three menus from the hostess and weaves his way past several groups that are making their way out of the restaurant. Jan lets out a small sigh and gestures for Christian to lead the way. He does so, and she follows.

Dwight and Karen enter the restaurant. She's laughing. "Oh please, beets?"

"Yes, it's true! The Romans used them to treat fevers, wounds, constipation... as an aphrodisiac..." he says, while raising an eyebrow.

She giggles. "Well, we'll just see about that."

Michael, Jan, and Christian are standing near an empty table, waiting for a waitress to finish clearing it off. Michael glances towards the front and sees the hostess leading Dwight and Karen to a table about halfway across the restaurant. Finally, the waitress finishes, and they sit down.

Jan gets down to business. "All right, now I understand that there have been a number of budget cuts recently?"

Christian answers. "Yes, well as you know, this has not been a good quarter for Lackawanna County, and, well, it's going to be difficult for us to, here, if you'll just look at these numbers..." He pulls out a report and starts discussing it with Jan. Michael, however, is distracted and keeps looking over at Dwight's table. Karen appears to be enjoying herself.

"Michael?" Jan is staring at him.

"Yes, Jan?"

"Do you?"

"Do I what, Jan?" He chuckles and then glances over at Christian, who looks unamused.

She sighs. "Do you have the report on the current estimates for the upcoming year?"

"Whhhaaaaa..." All three are frozen in time for a moment.

Finally Jan reacts. "All right, well, I think I have a copy with me here, let me check..." She starts looking through her papers while Michael turns back towards Dwight's table.

(---

"Of course, the customer always comes first. Well, that's not always true. If I were stuck on a desert island, and I had to choose between a beautiful, sexy woman and a customer, I'd choose the woman every time. Unless she also turned out to be the customer. Ooh, then what kind of business would I be in? Boink!"

---)

Jim and Pam walk into the restaurant. They look like quite the couple of characters. Jim is wearing a fedora, sunglasses, a red scarf, and a madras blazer, while Pam is wearing a bandana, sunglasses, a boa, and a small baby blanket wrapped around her shoulders like a shawl. They get a few strange looks from other customers, but neither Michael nor Dwight notices them.

Pam almost bumps into a plant. "I can't see in these things," Pam says, taking off the sunglasses.

Jim takes them from her. "Well, if you can't see them, they can't see you, Pam. But if you want to risk it..."

She smiles. "I'll take my chances."

Jim asks for a table for two, and the hostess directs them to a booth with a clear line of sight to both Michael's and Dwight's tables. They both sit in the same side of the booth. Then they both prop their menus up in front of them and peer over the tops at Michael and Dwight. From what they can see, it seems that Jan is constantly getting annoyed with Michael, while Dwight and Karen seem to be having a good time.

Jim spots a waitress walking towards the table. He quickly turns to Pam. "Uh, quick, we need to come up with codenames."

"Codenames? Okay..." She thinks for a moment. "How about Boris and Natasha?"

"My Russian accent sucks," he says in a poor Russian accent. "Plus, you don't look like a Natasha."

"I thought I was going to be Boris," she says with a smile.

"I know, I'll be Ross and you be--"

The waitress comes up to their table. "Hi, my name is Lindsay, and I'll be your server this afternoon."

Jim pulls the brim of his hat down a little lower and gestures towards Pam. "Well, Lindsay, we will be your customers this afternoon. This is my good friend Rachel," he says in a poor Russian accent.

Pam giggles and gestures towards Jim. "Yes, and this is my good friend--"

"Jim? Is that you?" Lindsay asks. Pam is taken aback for a moment. She looks at Lindsay for a second, and then turns to Jim, who's guiltily taking off his hat.

(---

"Lindsay? Oh, we're sort of friends."

---)

"Is my accent really that bad?" he says with a smile.

"What, did you think I wouldn't recognize my favorite customer?" she says with a wink. Pam looks uncomfortable. "I didn't think I'd see you again so soon."

"Well I'm sorry I ruined your day."

"You should be sorry! What are you doing here anyway?"

"Oh, actually we're here on a top secret mission for work. Very hush hush." He turns briefly towards Pam, who doesn't know what to say.

"I see. Well, I guess I haven't seen you today, then, have I?"

"No you haven't." He smiles, and Lindsay laughs. Pam just looks at them both.

"All right, well can I start you off with something to drink?"

"Just water for me is fine. And for you, Rachel?" he says with a smile.

"Uh, can I get a beer?"

"Sure, I just need to see your ID."

Pam is reaching into her purse when Jim quickly interrupts her. "Uh, you know, Rachel, it might not be a good idea to be showing your driver's license around. I mean, someone could, you know, take a photocopy of it and use it against you."

She looks at him and then realizes what he means. "Oh, you know what? I think I left it at the office anyway. I'll just have a water."

"Two waters, coming right up." Lindsay walks away. Jim watches her for a moment and then turns back to Pam, who is also watching her walk away.

----------

Halfway through the meal, Karen still appears to be entertained. "You do not."

"Yes I do."

"Okay, name them."

"One, a blow to the temple. Two, choke hold. Three, head wrench. Four, full nelson. Five..."

Jim and Pam are just close enough to overhear their conversation. "All right," says Jim, "if he can make it all the way to fifty, I'm never bothering him again." Pam laughs, but then suddenly stops as Lindsay approaches the table again.

"Is everything all right?" Lindsay asks as she refills their water glasses.

Pam just nods. Jim says, "Yes, everything's great. Well, except for one thing."

"What?"

"Well, there's this waitress that keeps coming over and refilling our water! I mean, is she trying to drown us?"

"Well maybe she just wants to make sure you don't go thirsty."

"Maybe. But if you see her, tell her I know what she's up to. That'll slow her down."

"All right," she says with a giggle.

Pam has already returned to listening to Dwight. "Twenty, a kick to groin. Twenty-one, a punch to the Adam's apple. Twenty-two..."

(---

"She's...nice. I don't know. She's nice."

---)

Across the room, Michael is barely paying attention to Christian. "Now, what I really need is some sort of guarantee. Would that be possible?" Pause. "Michael?"

Michael glances over at Dwight's table to see Karen laughing. "Uh, could you excuse me one second? I need to...uh...go to the bathroom. Here, have some fries."

Jan watches incredulously as he gets up from the table and walks across the room away from the bathrooms. "Michael? Michael!"

He proceeds to walk up to Dwight's table. Neither Dwight nor Karen notice him at first, so he clears his throat. "Michael!" Dwight says.

"What?" asks Karen.

"Oh, uh, sometimes I, uh, say my own name when I'm surprised, make sure I'm paying attention--"

Michael interrupts. "Well, Michael, funny I should run into you here!"

Dwight's response is very deliberate. "Yes, it is funny that I, Michael, should run into you, uh...Dwight, here." Michael frowns slightly.

"Oh, so you're Dwight?" asks Karen. "It's nice to meet you." She extends her hand.

"A pleasure to meet you." He reaches down and kisses her hand. She blushes.

Dwight chimes in, "Yes, Dwight is my assistant regional manager."

"Oh? You two do seem like you get along pretty well."

"Yes, Dwight is an absolutely fantastic assistant and a dedicated worker. He's never missed a day of work. He was also salesman of the year this past year."

"Oh yeah, well, Michael was also salesman of the year, two years in a row, in fact, back when he was still a salesman, and he has a plaque and a certificate to prove it. In fact, he was such a good salesman that he was one of the youngest ever to be promoted to manager."

"Wow, that's quite impressive," says Karen to Dwight.

"Yes, it is," says Michael. "And you know what's even more impressive about Michael is that he's so modest about his achiev--"

Jan walks up. "Michael, what's going on? Dwight? What are you doing here?"

Michael jumps in. "Wuh...uh, Karen, this is our boss, Jan. Jan, Karen."

Jan gives a fake smile. "Nice to meet you." She turns back to Michael. "Now, what are you doing?"

"Uh, we were just, uh..."

Dwight adds, "Yes, we were just, uh..."

"...uh, discussing strategy for the upcoming quarter, weren't we?" asks Michael.

"Yes, strategy for the upcoming quarter," confirms Dwight.

"We wanted to make sure..."

"...uh, make sure..."

"...that, uh, Lackawanna County had all their needs provided for."

"Yes, the county."

Jan is skeptical. "Look, I don't know what's going on, just...get over here, Michael." She walks off.

Karen looks at Dwight, who's looking at Michael, who's looking at Karen. Nobody's moving. Finally Karen says to Dwight, "She sounded pretty upset. Aren't you going to...?"

Michael jumps to action. "Hey, you know what, Michael? You stay here, enjoy your date. I'll handle this one." He gives Karen a smile before walking back to his table.

"He seemed nice," she says.

----------

It's nearing the end of the meal, and Jim and Pam are just about finishing up. Lindsay comes by to clear some of the trays and bring the check. Pam reaches into her purse to get out some money, but Jim stops her.

"Hey, it's on me," he says, and places a credit card on the table.

"Quite the gentleman, I see," Lindsay says as she takes the card away.

By this point, Pam has become somewhat annoyed. Jim notices. "Hey, is something bothering you?"

She pauses, then shakes her head for a second or two before swallowing and saying, "No, it's just...this boa is really itchy." She takes it off.

Jim turns to Dwight's table. Things have started turning sour. Dwight is demonstrating the proper method of committing _seppuku_ with his steak knife.

"First, the hero plunges the knife into the left side of his abdomen." He violently demonstrates, shaking the table. Karen reaches out to steady her water glass. "Then he makes a long, gruesome cut from left to right." He pulls the knife to the right slowly, dramatically contorting his face and gagging as if in agony. Karen watches, mildly horrified.

(---

Dwight vividly demonstrates once again for the camera.

---)

"Finally, a quick upward thrust..." He violently demonstrates. "...spilling the intestines. Then the hero's friend, uh, here..." He uses one of his hands to pick up his butter knife and then offers it to her. She hesitantly takes it. "...comes up behind him and strikes him in the back of the neck..." He uses his hand to demonstrate. "...severing it, leaving the head dangling by a small strip of flesh." As an example, he holds up his drinking glass by a point on the rim so that it lightly sways back and forth. He beckons for her to try.

"Uh..." She slowly puts the knife down. "I think I understand."

Jim turns to Pam. "All right, I'll be right back." He takes off his scarf and sunglasses and goes over to Dwight's table as Pam watches.

Dwight is surprised to see Jim. "Jim! Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'm on my lunch break. Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Yes, well, I...am also on my lunch break. And, as you can see, I am also entertaining someone, so if you don't mind..."

"Hi, I'm Jim." He extends his hand.

"Karen." She shakes it.

"So have you two been going out long?"

"Um, actually this is our first date," she answers.

"Really? Because Dwight's always talking about how he has a girlfriend, and..."

Dwight interjects. "Yes, well, uh, maybe he does, but I do not."

"Wait, I'm confused, do you or don't you?"

"No, I do not. Well, not yet, anyway." He looks at Karen, who looks uncomfortable.

"Okay, I'll leave you two alone in just a second," says Jim to Karen. "I just need to ask Dwight a question."

"Fine," says Dwight.

"Oh, I think he's over at that table," says Karen, pointing to where Michael is sitting.

Jim pretends to be confused. "What?" He turns to look.

Dwight hurriedly jumps in. "Uh, wait, um, what's the question?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know if you, Michael, or anyone else knew anything about our next quarter strategy regarding the needs of Lackawanna County."

"No, I don't know anything about that. Now, if you'll excuse us..."

Karen jumps in. "Wait, isn't that what Dwight was talking about earlier in his meeting with Jan?"

"You were talking with Jan?"

Dwight is getting flustered. "No, Dwight was." He hits Jim.

"So you were."

"No, I wasn't." He hits Jim again.

"Why do you keep hitting me?"

As Pam watches the ordeal, Lindsay comes back to the table with the check. "Oh, where did Jim go?"

Pam tells her, "Oh, he'll be right back. He's just..." She turns to Dwight's table. Dwight is getting increasingly agitated. Karen is getting increasingly confused and uncomfortable. She smiles. "...he'll be right back."

"All right, well he just needs to sign."

"Okay." Pause.

Lindsay suddenly looks very serious. "Um, I'm sorry, maybe it's not really my business, but you and Jim, are you two...?"

Pam hesitates briefly, but then quickly responds. "Oh, us, no, we're not..." She's searching for the right words. "We're just work friends."

"He must be pretty popular down at the office, huh?"

"I guess so."

"Well, okay. It's just because you two, you know, seem to get along really well."

"Yeah, well, I'm, uh, actually, um, getting...Wait, so how do you know Jim?"

"Um, actually I just met him recently."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, he, uh, he started coming in here last weekend. He'd sit at the bar, have a drink or two. He actually looked sort of depressed."

"Really?" Pam suddenly becomes very concerned.

"Yeah. Then one night I asked him what was wrong, and he just started talking, rambling almost... But I enjoyed listening to him. He's been here every night since." Pause. "He's really nice to talk to, you know."

"Yeah...I know."

"Well, anyway, I should get back to work."

"Okay."

Lindsay is about to walk away, when she suddenly stops. "Oh, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you know someone at your office named Pam?"

At first, Pam doesn't understand. She pauses for a second, and then starts, "Wha...um...I..."

"Oh, you know what? It's probably none of my business; I...I shouldn't be asking that. Never mind, forget I said anything." Then she walks away. Pam is left somewhat stunned.

A few moments later, Jim returns to the table. He takes a look at Pam, who looks confused. "Hey, are you okay?"

She doesn't react for a moment, and then she turns to him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Must've, um, been something in that fajita."

"Maybe they found out you were banned and slipped you a mickey."

She smiles. "Yeah, maybe..."

He signs the check. "All right, let's get going." They gather their stuff, and while Jim is putting on the hat and scarf, Pam can't keep her eyes off him. "Ready?" He turns to her.

"Uh..." She looks away. "...yup." She puts the boa back on.

Just as they're about to leave the table, Lindsay comes back to clear it. "All right, Lindsay, you take care," he says.

"I will. You too, Jim. Nice to meet you, Rachel." Pam nods her head. Pause. "Hey, Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe I'll see you later tonight?"

"Maybe." He heads out the door. Pam pauses for a moment. She turns around briefly to glance at Lindsay, who is busy clearing the dishes. Then she follows him outside.


	3. Act Three

In the Chili's parking lot, Michael and Jan are seeing off Christian.

"See ya!" says Michael.

"Bye! Thanks," says Jan.

As Christian leaves, Michael says, "We did it. We nailed it. Come here," and leans in for a hug. Jan takes a step backwards, and Michael is left hanging in midair for a moment.

(---

"Jan and I are going through a rocky point in our relationship. I am in the acceptance phase...uh, or maybe the bargaining phase, and she is in the denial phase. And the anger phase."

---)

"No, Michael, you didn't do anything. You were completely unprepared for this meeting, and you weren't even paying attention for half of it!"

"Well, there were two of us, Jan, so I really only needed to pay attention to half."

She stares at him and then sighs. "Michael, I don't understand how you think you can get by like this. Your branch is already in enough trouble as it is, and if this deal had fallen apart, frankly, I would have been seriously worried."

"You would have been worried about me?" He raises an eyebrow.

"No, Michael, if I were in your position, I would be seriously worried that Alan and the board wouldn't hesitate to shut this branch down. Not to mention how this would reflect on me." Jan starts walking towards her car.

"Geez, Jan, calm down." He lowers his voice. "This is a special place for us, remember? You wouldn't want to ruin that, would you?"

Jan looks at the camera. "Special place? I...I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, you remember. A late night meeting...two lonely salesmen--uh, people..."

In the background, Dwight is trying to sneak by without being seen by dashing between parked cars, while Karen is just walking along the same route.

Jan sighs. "I thought I've made it clear that I won't be discussing this with you again."

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry, okay? I am deeply, truly sorry." Pause. "How about a celebratory drink?"

Jan opens her car door, and Dwight almost runs into it. He stumbles to the ground. Jan looks at him for a moment, sighs and shakes her head, and then turns back to Michael.

"No."

She's about to get into her car when Michael stops her once more. "Wait, Jan, just one more question." Dwight gets up and hurries over to his car and beckons for Karen to hurry up.

Jan sighs. "What is it?"

"Is that a new shirt?"

Karen is getting into Dwight's car. Jan pauses. "Goodbye, Michael," she says. She gets into her car and slams the door. Her tires screech a bit as she backs up. Then she speeds out of the parking lot. Dwight and Karen leave soon after.

----------

At the office, Jim and Pam are replacing their borrowed items to the clothing box when Roy comes in. Jim quickly finishes putting his things away and heads back to his desk. Pam is still wearing the boa when Roy walks up to her and leans in for a kiss, which she readily gives.

"Hey, I missed you at our lunch date today," he says.

She had obviously forgotten about it until this very moment. "Oh, I'm sorry! I, uh, I forgot to tell you that, uh, Michael insisted that I go with him to this lunch meeting of his at Chili's." Pause. "He and Dwight will be back any second."

"It's okay, Pam, I'll forgive you...this time." They both smile and kiss again. "Hey, some of the guys are going to Poor Richard's after work. Do you want to come?"

"Um, no, you go ahead."

"Okay, thanks." He kisses her again, and then hands her some keys. "I'll be home for dinner, I promise."

"Okay." She closes her eyes and smiles as he kisses her on the cheek. When she opens her eyes, she sees Jim quickly look away and get up towards the kitchen. She stops smiling as Roy walks out, and then she puts the boa back in the box.

Dwight and Karen walk in. Karen looks distinctly less enthused than she did earlier. "All right, well, uh, I guess I'll be going," she says. Pause. "I, uh, had a good time. Maybe we'll...well, here's my business card." She hands it to him.

He takes it. "Here, let me give you mine." He takes out his wallet to retrieve one, but finds he doesn't have any. "F. Wait right here. I have some in my desk."

As he's walking over to his desk, Karen asks, "Um, isn't your desk in there?" She points to Michael's office.

"Uh, yes, of course it is. I was just, uh..." He goes in and shuts the door. The blinds are still shut.

A couple minutes pass and he doesn't come out. Karen glances at her watch. She turns to Pam. Angela, whose head is sticking up behind Pam's desk, ducks down. "Where's the ladies' room?" Karen asks.

"It's right through that door." She points to the kitchen.

"Thanks. Tell Michael I'll be right back." Pam nods, and Karen heads to the bathroom. Angela gets up moments later and follows her.

In the kitchen, Jim has been caught up in a conversation with Kelly. "...and sometimes, he just doesn't return any of my calls. And I don't know if that's just because he's busy, or he doesn't check his voicemail, or what. Should I ask him about it? Because if there's something wrong with his phone, then like, I shouldn't be--"

Jim turns to see Toby walk in. "Hey, Toby. What's up?"

"Not too much, how about you?"

"Well, Kelly was just telling me about...well, why don't you explain?"

Kelly turns to Toby. "Okay, well so the other day I was supposed to meet Ryan..."

Jim looks relieved and goes to get a cup of coffee when Karen walks in. She gives him a brief smile and then heads into the bathroom. Moments later, Angela also comes in and enters the bathroom. Jim takes a sip of his coffee and is about to leave the kitchen when he hears Angela yelling indistinctly from inside the bathroom. After a short while, Angela emerges as if nothing is wrong. Jim watches her as she heads out of the kitchen. He turns briefly to glance at door to the women's bathroom.

(---

"Oh, um, there wasn't any toilet paper."

---)

He heads over to reception and beckons for Pam to lean in closer. "Hey, so has Angela seemed kind of stressed to you lately?"

"No, why?"

"Well, I was just in the kitchen, and--"

Pam looks over to the kitchen door, and Jim turns as well. Karen walks out looking rather harried, walking briskly towards reception. "Did Michael come out yet?" she asks Pam. Pam shakes her head. "Well, just tell him that I had to run."

She walks quickly over to the door, but she gets there just as Michael is coming in, and she almost bumps into him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he says. He holds open the door for her. "Heading out?"

"Yeah." Pause. "Oh, and about what happened in the parking lot--"

"Oh, don't worry about that. Jan's a good boss, but she can get a little emotional at times, so... I try to be professional, but sometimes..."

She nods. "I understand. I used to have this boss who--"

Dwight rushes out of Michael's office and approaches Karen. "Hey, I couldn't find any business cards, so I just made some." He takes out from his pocket a large stack of handcut slips of paper, each of which have written on them Michael's contact information in marker. He hands one to her.

She takes it. "Gee, uh, thanks." She looks at it for a moment. "Well, it was nice..." She turns to see Angela peeking up from behind Pam's desk, staring menacingly at her. "...uh, I really have to go." She turns to Michael. "It was nice to meet you."

"Likewise," he says. She leaves.

Dwight holds out the stack of homemade business cards to Michael. "Do you want these?" Michael looks at them briefly, sighs, and then heads into his office. Dwight goes back to his desk and starts whiting each of them out.

Jim turns to Pam. He looks like he's about to ask her something, but then he stops. She notices, and asks, "What?"

"Oh...nothing."

"Come on."

"I was just going to ask if today was the first time you've stood someone up for a date."

"Well I figured, when's the next time I'm going to see Michael and Dwight make fools out of themselves?" She smiles.

"And such a convincing excuse! Are you sure you haven't done this before?"

"Well, I couldn't tell him I..." She stops. She looks up at him and her smile fades.

Pause. "Well, I'm honored that you chose me."

"As you should be! Though I guess you didn't mind being there either..."

She looks as if she's hinting at something. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, never mind..." She turns away.

"No, wait, what?"

She hesitates and then says, "Just you and Lindsay seemed to be getting along pretty well."

"We're friends."

"Apparently." She sounds a bit more like Angela than she would have liked.

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?" He sounds a bit upset.

"Never mind, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, Pam, what is it?"

She sighs. "Okay, it's just that you two were flirting all during lunch, and it was making me feel uncomfortable, that's all." She tries to swivel her chair away, but he continues.

"Wait, I wasn't flirting, I was just being friendly."

"Well I sure can't tell the difference." She immediately regrets saying that.

Pause. "Well, what about you and Roy? Every time I turn around these days, you two are making out."

"We're engaged."

"Apparently." They just look at each other for a moment, and then he says, "I've got some work to do," and heads back to his desk.

She calls out after him. "Jim, wait! Jim!" But he doesn't turn around, and she gives up.

----------

At the end of the day, Michael is about to leave when Pam stops him. "Michael."

"Yeah?"

"You're supposed to drop off these boxes remember?" She indicates the boxes for the charity drive.

He sighs. "All right. How did I get roped into this?" She doesn't answer. "Well, could you give me a hand?"

"Sure."

"All right, just grab that box," he says, pointing to the clothing box. He picks up the food box and carries it out the door while Pam picks up the clothing box.

As she's shifting her grip, Jim is leaving. "Hey, you got that?"

"Yeah, it's not too heavy."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." He hurries out.

"Wait, Jim? Jim?" But he's already out the door. She just stands there for a moment, and then she drops the box on the couch and plops down beside it. Her hands idly rummage through the box. She finds the pink boa, pulls it out, and weaves it through her fingers for a moment.

Outside, Michael brushes away some trash from the back seat of his Sebring and then puts in the food box. He looks around for Pam, and a few moments later she comes out of the building carrying the clothing box. She walks over to his car, and he helps her put it in the back seat.

(---

"Why do I give to charity? Simple. The Golden Rule. Do unto others as they do to you. Tit for tat. Not that I look forward to getting any reward for my charity work...well, except a tax deduction. But you know what they say, what goes around comes around, what goes up must come down, so..."

---)

Michael pulls up to the shelter downtown. He gets out of his car and brings the boxes up to the front door in two trips. Then he manages to push them inside. "Hello, is anybody here? I'm dropping off some donations," he calls out.

"Just a second!" he hears from the back.

He waits for a few moments. There aren't too many people around, but he does see a suspicious looking older man wearing a red sweater and sleeping in one of the chairs near the back. He tries to get a closer look, but then a woman comes out to greet him.

"Hi, I'm Karen..." She tilts her head slightly to the side and smiles, and then she laughs. "Wow! Funny I should run into you again today!"

Michael laughs. "Yeah, what are you doing here?"

"Actually I work here."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah. The hours are kind of long, but it's such a service to the community..." She looks over at the boxes. "Are these all donations?"

"Yup. I'm running the office charity drive, because, well, it's only a little extra time, and they need this stuff more than we do, right?"

"It's true. Thank you so much!"

"Well, I'm glad to help." Pause. "Do you want me to take these somewhere?"

"Uh, sure, do you mind? Maybe if you could just bring them into this room over here? We'll sort it out later. Here, let me give you a hand."

She reaches down and picks up one of the boxes, and he picks up the other. Then he follows her across the room.

As they're walking, he asks, "So, uh, how was your lunch?"

She hesitates briefly. "Well, um, he's a nice guy I guess, but not really my type, I think..." She looks at him to gauge his response. When she sees him smiling and nodding, she continues. "Let's just say that I wouldn't want him to be my boss. You must put up with a lot sometimes."

He smiles. "You have no idea."

They walk into the other room. "Just set it down anywhere." She places the box on the floor in the corner, and he puts his next to hers. Then she escorts him back to the entrance. "All right, well, thank you again so much! All of your donations will be put to good use, I promise."

"Hey, we're running the drive all week, so maybe I'll see you here again later."

"Great! I'll look forward to seeing you!"

Pause. "And, uh, I don't know, maybe if you want to get dinner some time...like Friday?" He raises his eyebrows questioningly.

She smiles. "All right. Friday then."

"Great. Great! I guess I will see you later this week then."

"I guess so."

"All right, I'd better get going."

"Okay, take care."

"Bye, Karen." He gives her a wave and turns to leave.

"Bye, Dwight."

----------

Jim is sitting alone at the bar in Chili's, nursing a drink. He doesn't notice that across the room, Pam is sitting in a booth, wearing the pink boa and a fedora, watching him. Eventually, she decides to approach him. She makes it just within earshot, but when she sees Lindsay approach him, she ducks behind a post.

"Hey, Jim," Lindsay says. He nods at her. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm good." He sips his drink.

She looks around, and then leans in closer and lowers her voice. "Are you okay?"

He looks at her. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been a long day."

"How about a table?"

He turns around briefly and then returns to his drink. "It's full."

She turns to where he was looking. "Hey, how come you always insist on sitting at the same table?"

He shrugs. "Habit, I guess."

She hesitates a moment, and then she asks, "Does it have something to do with Pam?"

He pauses. "Hey, I'm sorry, I sort of just want to be alone for a little while. Is that okay?"

She backs off. "Sure, Jim, no problem. Just let me know if you need anything, all right?"

"Okay." She walks off. He returns to his drink.

Pam is now standing out in the open behind Jim, staring at him. She's frozen there while Jim takes a long sip. Suddenly, she snaps to her senses and quickly looks around. Then she turns back to Jim, who still hasn't noticed her. She once again considers approaching him, but she can't bring herself to do it.

Jim finishes off his drink, places the empty mug lightly on the bar, and sighs. He turns around just in time to see a pink flash disappear out the front door.


End file.
